So on Zeus's advice (cheers dude for helping) I deleted my steam install and d/l the game manually, installed and still the same problems
I will try to bypass the router and see if its a port problem even though I tried all the port forwarding stuff they mentioned on the bc2 forums
I'm reading that people are putting their routers on DMZ to play this, fuckin nutters

/edit
This is DICEs answer to my problem I think
"Connection to server has been lost"
* This one is tricky. We have no solution yet.
Thats part of the message I get